Confessions of Adolf Hitler

Adolf Hitler was a German politician and leader of the Nazi Party. He rose to power to become dictator of Germany, serving as Chancellor from 1933 and Führer from 1934. During his dictatorship from 1933 to 1945, he initiated World War II in Europe by invading Poland in September 1939. He closely supervised military operations during the war and by December 1941 had full control of all strategic decisions, especially on the Eastern Front. He was central to the perpetration of the Holocaust. Under Hitler’s leadership and racially motivated ideology, the Nazi regime was responsible for the genocide of at least 5.5 million Jews and millions of other victims whom he and his followers deemed Untermenschen (subhumans) or socially undesirable. Hitler and the Nazi regime were also responsible for the killing of an estimated 19.3 million civilians and prisoners of war. The number of civilians killed during World War II was unprecedented in warfare, and the casualties constitute the deadliest conflict in history.

What is your idea of perfect happiness? A big loaded baked potato and a good book with time to eat it and read it.

What is your greatest fear? Flipping my wig.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? The fact that sometimes my mouth is a little too big and a little too open and sounds too much like a sailor.

What is the trait you most deplore in others? Dishonesty and being late for appointments.

Which living person do you most admire? Any person trying to uplift mankind. I don’t admire living people, I respect them.

What is your greatest extravagance? My bus and my stage costumes.

What is your current state of mind? Today I am firmly convinced that basically and on the whole all creative ideas appear in our youth, in so far as any such are present. I distinguish between the wisdom of age, consisting solely in greater thoroughness and caution due to the experience of a long life, and the genius of youth, which pours out thoughts and ideas with inexhaustible fertility, but cannot for the moment develop them because of their very abundance. It is this youthful genius which provides the building materials and plans for the future, from which a wiser age takes the stones, carves them and completes the edifice, in so far as the so-called wisdom of age has not stifled the genius of youth.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Monogamy—I’m sorry, I meant monotony.

On what occasion do you lie? When I want sex.

What do you most dislike about your appearance? That I look different than I did when I was 33.

Which living person do you most despise? Unfortunately, it’s different every day because every day somebody is hurting a whole lot of people. I despise many living people.

What is the quality you most like in a man? Intelligence and moral sense.

What is the quality you most like in a woman? The ability to burp on command.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”

What or who is the greatest love of your life? My childhood companion and teacher, my dog, Blonda.

When and where were you happiest? In the early 60s, when I was alone at Gombe with the chimpanzees.

Which talent would you most like to have? To be able to play golf like Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, or Ernie Els.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I want really long legs.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? When after the death of my mother I went to Vienna for the third time, to remain for many years, the time which had mean-while elapsed had restored my calm and determination. My old defiance had come back to me and my goal was now clear and definite before my eyes. I wanted to become an architect, and obstacles do not exist to be surrendered to, but only to be broken. I was determined to overcome these obstacles, keeping before my eyes the image of my father, who had started out as the child of a village shoemaker, and risen by his own efforts to be a government official. I had a better foundation to build on, and hence my possibilities in the struggle were easier, and what then seemed to be the harshness of Fate, I praise today as wisdom and Providence. While the Goddess of Suffering took me in her arms, often threatening to crush me, my will to resistance grew, and in the end this will was victorious. I owe it to that period that I grew hard and am still capable of being hard. And even more, I exalt it for tearing me away from the hollowness of comfortable life; for drawing the mother’s darling out of his soft downy bed and giving him ‘Dame Care’ for a new mother; for hurling me, despite all resistance, into a world of misery and poverty, thus making me acquainted with those for whom I was later to fight.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? A big, fat hog so I could eat whatever I want.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? The five seconds before you vomit.

What is your favorite occupation? Being an artist. Squishing paint about a senseless canvas.

What is your most marked characteristic? My voice, which vacillates wildly between aunt with emphysema and child who has consumed too many Sweet Tarts and everything is phrased like a question.

What do you most value in your friends? Tenderness – provided they possess a physical charm which makes their tenderness worth having.

Who are your favorite writers? Karl May, Jonathan Swift, and Harriet Beecher Stowe.

Who is your hero of fiction? Robinson Crusoe or Don Quixote.

Which historical figure do you most identify with? Santa Klaus.

Who are your heroes in real life? Elvis Presley.

What are your favorite names? Bella, Blondi, Prinz, Fuchsl.

What is it that you most dislike? Canned tuna.

What is your greatest regret? I would have really loved to hear Elvis sing “I Will Always Love You.”

How would you like to die? Like my great-great-aunt Sylvia: at 103, having just devoured a bowl of ice cream in my king-size bed.

What is your motto? I didn’t ask to be born.